I thought i was gonna feel normal...no sorrow...no sadness..there might juz be a little bit sad
I feel ok....until i reached brisbane.. Well, i feel a little lonely though.
Thx for warren for calling me..and chat with me...at least i feel that Oz is welcoming me.
Whenever i reach Oz, my mouth will crack...
the most important thing is that..when i reach Oz, i feel like i got a mission is to smile at people, but my mouth is pain.
Oz, is a place that i think i hav to socialize..mix...which i dont really good at in.
Sometimes i juz feel hopeless...why cant i get along with them juz like with kaka them?
When in the party..i try to enjoy..sometimes i do enjoy..but sometimes.when people approach me...or i try to approach others..i dont know what to say...so as them...we pratically just stare at each other and smile....not much flowing in between.
Back to topic..im on the way walking home..feel suprising excited.
Knock Eama's door just wanna say Hi to her in case she mad at me not saying HI when i reach.
Thx Eama for being such a good housemate and friend to me. Thx alot.
Back to my own room...looking at the ceiling ...at the floor..i feel different..but im still happy
until i found out the Ants Army is hiding at the corner of my room..
Tonnes of them...climbing..walking...
Tiny of them..but together they look huge.
I hate ANTS! i HATE ! i started to become mad...head straight to the chinese store nearby my house and bought a insect spray...back home..i keep spraying them..each of them...bunch of them..i dont care ! i spray and spray but i still can see them climbing anywhere! even on my bed! i ran out of my house to see where did the ants come frm...SHIT ! they come frm the roof top which i couldnt reach! i try to call Mr Lee..( house's owner) they were not at home..im sad..
I back to home..keep spraying and ask Eama for help...
Eama tel me some way to shoo them away..but she cant help me to clean all them because she had to go out....im dissappointed..but what can i do?....im sad, upset!
After Eama left, i clean the dead shit ants with tissue...one by one...but some of them not yet dead...im angry, scared ( how i can live with these ants that sometimes will be on my pillow or my blanket!) im upset...furious..i dont know my...i started to cry..my tears keep rollin down... im crying while cleaning up the ants...im sad..helpless.. In my mind i think if i were home...things will get lot easier...i can say shout KAKAk! and kakak will be like superwoman handle such things.. im sad...i cried....
After I clean up the shit, i slept...becuz i didnt slp for at least 24hrs...im exhausted..im tired..
The first time i reached Oz, i always dont have mood to eat..and today i only ate a bun on the plane and a cup of milk now...before i go to sleep....i wish this can keep going on somehow...so that i can slim down....
Today i told my home i would call when i reach home...but i didnt cuz of the shit ant army...
Only about night 8 or 9 pm i only managed to call her....
when i hear her voice...i dont know what to say....in chinese ( my nose feel sour)...
i feel like crying.....( now i know why beauty always cries).. i m suprised that why i feel like crying..is it becuz of the ants that makes me miss home?....i honestly dont know...
I called my mum....and barely can squeeze out some word like "ah i reached home d" i felt asleep cuz i keep playing games n watch movies on plane" ...then i stopped..dont know what else to say...i really feel like crying but i cant cry in front of them?! that just make them worry!
When the time i hang up the phone..i cried....just like this morning...my tears keep rolling down...
I feel like im just here waiting to go home...I am sad...and doubt that can i live here and work here after i graduate? why im so weak? i should hav to strong enough to defeat these feelings which im good at it in the past..
No comments:
Post a Comment